[It's different, Keith would say. Pidge had planned on leaving for selfish reasons, while Keith argues now for his own incompetence, for the inherent risk he brought with him. He's weak. He's unable to stay focused in combat. And yet, when Shiro airs the core of the issue between them, Keith finds himself quick to deny.]
I'm not afraid. [It's almost a growl, pissed Shiro would even suggest that Keith was afraid. He wasn't afraid of anything, not now, not ever.
(But it's just like the garrison all over again and he won't go through that another time.)]
[ Of course they're not getting anywhere without Keith getting pissed. Shiro's not surprised, nor is he angry when the other paladin practically snarls at him. He's just tired and frustrated that Keith is letting this get to him. He understands, he really does, but there's no denying that it'd be nicer if they could settle this over a calm conversation where no one got worked up. ]
You are.
[ If he wasn't, the comment wouldn't have hit so close to home and thus wouldn't have had Keith snapping back into anger. ]
And that's fine. Everyone has fears and everyone gets afraid sometimes. You just have to be willing to face that.
[ Running and hiding from your fears doesn't help with anything but making them worse. That's something that Keith clearly needs to learn, along with the fact that it's okay to be afraid and to admit to being so. ]
[Shiro's response cuts into Keith's breath and he stares wide-eyed for perhaps a moment too long. No. He isn't afraid. Shiro's wrong. Keith isn't afraid. If he were afraid, that would make him weak and--- and Shiro keeps going. Keith listens to about half of what the other paladin says before burying himself into the illusion that if he runs, it makes this okay, everything will be better if he just weren't here right now.
He doesn't regret rescuing Shiro, not for a second, and he doesn't regret leading the others to the blue lion, but maybe... just maybe that's all he was supposed to do. He wasn't meant to be a paladin anymore than he was meant to be a fighter pilot.
Now or ever.
It's humiliating. He's buried himself so deep in this cause and yet he's still so undeserving of it. Still so weak, so small, so useless.]
You're lying. [He blurts it out without thinking first. No one else seems to have this issue, no one else seems afraid.]
[ Really, why would he put this much effort into an argument if he didn't see Keith as an important member of the team? This is getting ridiculous. Stubbornness is being taken to a whole new level and he almost can't believe that Keith doesn't think any of the rest of them have been afraid at some point. He probably wouldn't believe it if it hadn't just been stated the way it had. ]
You don't think every single one of us has been scared at some point out here? Maybe no one else has been this afraid to look weak in front of everyone else, but I can guarantee we're all hiding some big fear that we don't want anyone to see.
[ Drawing a breath to steady himself, Shiro gives Keith a long look. This discussion is taking so many tangents, but they're all interconnected and seem to come down ultimately to fear. If he can get Keith to admit to his fear and see that it's a perfectly normal thing, he stands a chance of being able to get things sorted out. The only problem is that getting Keith to face the fact that he's afraid honestly is far more challenging than he ever anticipated.
Glancing away from the other paladin, he takes a moment to think. The easiest way to prove that Keith isn't the only one who's afraid of something? Admitting to one of his own fears. It's hard, he's not denying that, but it's something he's willing to do for the sake of someone else's peace of mind.
When he finally speaks again, it's more quietly and done without looking at Keith. ]
...I'm afraid to remember more of what happened to me while I was prisoner to the Galra. What I did while I was there. I'm afraid of what I might learn about myself.
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I'm not afraid. [It's almost a growl, pissed Shiro would even suggest that Keith was afraid. He wasn't afraid of anything, not now, not ever.
(But it's just like the garrison all over again and he won't go through that another time.)]
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You are.
[ If he wasn't, the comment wouldn't have hit so close to home and thus wouldn't have had Keith snapping back into anger. ]
And that's fine. Everyone has fears and everyone gets afraid sometimes. You just have to be willing to face that.
[ Running and hiding from your fears doesn't help with anything but making them worse. That's something that Keith clearly needs to learn, along with the fact that it's okay to be afraid and to admit to being so. ]
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He doesn't regret rescuing Shiro, not for a second, and he doesn't regret leading the others to the blue lion, but maybe... just maybe that's all he was supposed to do. He wasn't meant to be a paladin anymore than he was meant to be a fighter pilot.
Now or ever.
It's humiliating. He's buried himself so deep in this cause and yet he's still so undeserving of it. Still so weak, so small, so useless.]
You're lying. [He blurts it out without thinking first. No one else seems to have this issue, no one else seems afraid.]
no subject
[ Really, why would he put this much effort into an argument if he didn't see Keith as an important member of the team? This is getting ridiculous. Stubbornness is being taken to a whole new level and he almost can't believe that Keith doesn't think any of the rest of them have been afraid at some point. He probably wouldn't believe it if it hadn't just been stated the way it had. ]
You don't think every single one of us has been scared at some point out here? Maybe no one else has been this afraid to look weak in front of everyone else, but I can guarantee we're all hiding some big fear that we don't want anyone to see.
[ Drawing a breath to steady himself, Shiro gives Keith a long look. This discussion is taking so many tangents, but they're all interconnected and seem to come down ultimately to fear. If he can get Keith to admit to his fear and see that it's a perfectly normal thing, he stands a chance of being able to get things sorted out. The only problem is that getting Keith to face the fact that he's afraid honestly is far more challenging than he ever anticipated.
Glancing away from the other paladin, he takes a moment to think. The easiest way to prove that Keith isn't the only one who's afraid of something? Admitting to one of his own fears. It's hard, he's not denying that, but it's something he's willing to do for the sake of someone else's peace of mind.
When he finally speaks again, it's more quietly and done without looking at Keith. ]
...I'm afraid to remember more of what happened to me while I was prisoner to the Galra. What I did while I was there. I'm afraid of what I might learn about myself.